Ladies and gentlemen, I am very pleased that we are officially contesting the Newark by-election, for which polling will take place on 5 June 2014, two weeks after the European elections, with the result being declared thus on 6 June 2014, the 70th anniversary of D-Day.
Nominations for this by-election closed only earlier today, and I can reveal that the opponents our candidate, David Kirwan, will face, are:
Paul Baggaley, Independent (running on hospital campaign)
David Bishop, Bus-Pass Elvis Party
Nick 'The Flying Brick' Delves, Official Monster Raving Loony Party
Andy Hayes, Independent (no idea why he is running in this by-election yet)
Roger Helmer, United Kingdom Independence Party
Robert Jenrick, Conservative Party
Michael Payne, Labour Party
Reverend Dick Rodgers, Common Good
David Watts, Liberal Democrats
Lee Woods, Patriotic Socialist Party (formerly the United People's Party)
I am aware that Newark, like most of the East Midlands, has never been a good area for the Green Party, but nontheless we should try our best and at least get enough good publicity to help highlight our cause, which should also collaterally thwart Roger Helmer's chances of becoming UKIP's first MP (by pointing out how bad an MP he would be if he was elected).